Chelsea fans are calling for Maurizio Sarri’s testicles to be displayed above the gates of Stamford Bridge following the humiliating 6–0 drubbing by Manchester City. Goals from Raheem Sterling and Ilkay Gundogan and yet another record-breaking hat-trick from Sergio Aguero (he is getting so predictable) saw Chelsea sink to their heaviest ever Premier League defeat.
Chelsea’s away form of late has been nothing short of dreadful. They have conceded twelve goals in their last three games on the road without reply. If Chelsea was a racehorse it would surely have been put out of its’ misery at half-time. City raced into a 4-0 lead within 25 minutes of the first half. This was thanks in no small part to some Chelsea defending that Professor Stephen Hawking would have been ashamed of. The game was barely four minutes old when the Bernardo Silva was given the freedom of Manchester to dance down the right wing. Silva stopped to light a cigar before cutting the ball back to Raheem Sterling for a tap in.
Sergio Aguero refused an opportunity to score from 2 yards out as he felt it was too easy. When a fittingly more difficult chance presented itself minutes later, the striker whipped a stunning curling shot into the top corner from 25 yards.
Chasing a summer transfer to city, Ross Barkley took the opportunity to show Guardiola just what he’s capable of. As a City attack has seemed to have been repelled, Barkley came up with a killer headed pass to the unmarked Aguero who happily cemented himself as City’s all-time leading goal-scorer with a neat turning finish.
On the 25-minute mark, Ilkay Gundogan tapped a speculative effort unconvincingly towards the Chelsea goal. The feebleness of the shot seemed to take the blues keeper by surprise. He fell towards the ball with all the finesse of a sack of potatoes, flapping hopelessly as the ball trundled over the line like an arthritic hedgehog.
City fans lodged complaints with the management after being made to wait a full 30 minutes for the next goal and Azpilicueta promptly brought down Sterling in the box. Aguero was given the opportunity to complete his hat-trick from the penalty spot, but argued that this was too easy. The Argentinian asked the ref if the opposition could form a three-man wall. However, after consultation with the fourth official, he told him to get on with it. Aguero reluctantly dispatched the spot-kick for yet another hat-trick…yawn.
Chelsea’s heaviest ever, that’s heaviest EVER, Premier League defeat was sealed with ten minutes remaining. Sterling netting for a second time following a sweeping City break.
At the final whistle, Maurizio Sarri appeared to blank City boss Pep Guardiola’s attempt at a handshake. The blues boss instead marched straight down the tunnel attempting to get back to Stanford Bridge before Abramovich had the locks changed. Chelsea assistant Gianfranco Zola was left to make the apologies and ask Guardiola to give him a shout if he needed someone to drive the team bus.