Transfer Deadline Day: Quieter than the Emirates?


Deadline day has come and gone. What should have been an exciting day, as a month of rumours and speculation comes to a close. Turned out to be as full of excitement as Piers Morgan is full of s***.

This window saw total spend fall from last year. Not just on Deadline Day, but the window as a whole. Could this be the start of clubs tightening their purses?

When it comes to owners fists, none are tighter than Mike Ashley’s. Until now! Newcastle surprised everyone by breaking the club transfer record to sign Miguel Almiron. They will be hoping that becoming Newcastle’s most expensive signing is the only thing he shares with the former holder of that title, Michael Owen. Else it could be a rough few months for both Almiron and Newcastle.

Tall order for Burnley

Burnley fans around the country would have been extremely excited to hear they were signing a big striker. However, I’m sure they were thinking reputation, not height and age. Yes, Crouchy has signed for Burnley. A man whose age could easily get confused with his height, in centimetres.

Burnley have added to the oldest squad in the Premier League, by adding one of the oldest players. At least they will get money off in the chip shop. Many people were questioning why on earth Burnley would be interested in a player who some would argue is past it, especially after struggling in a mid-table championship side. But then it does make perfect sense, with Burnley being destined to be a mid table championship side in the near future.

Hopefully, for Burnley, Crouch will still have the legs to make it into the box, because with his head at least one foot above everybody else, there’s half a chance of it bouncing off his head and Burnley actually getting some results.

Michy Batshuayi has struggled to make an impact at Chelsea and as a result, found himself being passed around Europe like a young girl eager for concert tickets. He now finds himself at Crystal Palace for the remainder of the season. Will this be a decision that comes back to haunt Chelsea? Or will Batshuayi prove to be as much of a danger in goal? As I am in danger of becoming Manchester United’s new manager (despite my impressive credentials on football manager mobile).

Tottenham Hotshambles

The team who surprised absolutely nobody were, of course, Tottenham Hotspur. The team who are so good at bottling they should be getting sponsored Coca Cola, or perhaps San Miguel, because, with just a couple of players out, the team plays like they’re p*****.

It’s a shame because their first team really looks like it could go places, but without Harry Kane to hold hands and score goals, any hope of being involved in this year’s title race may soon be out of the window, as most players outside of Spurs’ first 11 are about as effective as crisp packet condoms.

All in all, it has been a pretty poor January in terms of the transfer window, but now that it’s over and we know who’s got who. We can get back to the most important thing, which is of course. Hoping and praying that anyone but Liverpool can clinch the title.